Today is hard. I miss them so much… but I don’t know how to tell them how miserable I am. I’m writing to endure it, but I can’t help feeling this way; time and time again. There is no one to express this to. Who would understand? The scriptures say that we must be willing to leave out family. To love the Lost. To give up our greatest desires. But I look around and so many people don’t need to give give up their families. No immediate need to show their willingness to give up their families. I love my heavenly father more than my earthly father, I love my spiritual family, I love the lost… but I still miss my family. Right now I long for my family. I miss my dad’s songs he sang to us… and his hugs. I miss getting in bed with my mom to talk about life. I miss having my sisters with me, laughing and acting ridiculous. I miss my brothers faces… their charm and wit. They are always able to make me laugh. There are voids that can’t be filled… they are the only people I know this intimately. Yes, I have friends and spiritual family here on earth. There people are close to my heart. But they aren’t Micah. They don’t speak like my dad when times are hard. My Christian family don’t see through my bad days like my mom. (Now I’m Crying.) But these facades don’t help anyone. These days come and go. And I know that I wouldn’t feel quite like this if things were easier. Even I can see through this temptation-this selfishness. But these bad days only feel heavier when loved ones are far away… when I’m surrounded by strangers. I want to be stronger… but instead, I think I’ll try to let God use me as I am. Let God use me as the weak, tempted, lonely person I am. I want to trust him.
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