today...

I wish I could make up my mind: to be alive and well, or to submit to decay. It seems the flesh is hurting, but my smile can fool you all. No one realizes what goes on inside me… half the time I think I’m fine, but this virus keeps on feeding. Is it even possible to over come? Is it foolish to think I’ll be fine? Will I have to die and be raised to life: because the only way out seems to be rock bottom. Can you understand I don’t need loving words, don’t need to understand the universe… I just want to live my life (not be afraid of my shadow.) To be this way, without having to feel pain, embrace hopelessness. Is it humane to give up? To be fed up with change- adapting is in vain.

Lost