It's just so easy to lie.
Not the kind of lie that people assume at first. I don't struggle with keeping my word, or false allabi's. No... the lie I'm thinking of is the kind I've told myself.
Why was it so easy? I was born confident! I knew that I could succeed in anything I set my mind to, so why did I give up? How is it possible that I can be optomistic, spiritual, excited and well prepared and the thought of this accomplishment just gives me a stomach ache? It didn't begin this way.
I don't have a time or a date to give this story worth... but I do know that while the beginning is quite uncertain, the end is out of sight. My life? My life is a hurricane. I have always hated being forced to move around a lot, make new friends, the change of weather... you name it, I'm almost certain that I've disliked THAT one one occasion or another. It's a gift, i know. I can spot the blemish in a crayon box. How is it that somewhere along the line I decided to find the dirty blemishes in myself? Sure the saying is true, "take the plank out of your own eye, before removing the speck in your neighbors..." but really. How often does someone need to self mutliate themself, just to arrive at a common ground with their peers? How long do you dwell on your own faults before you give up on trying to fix others? You'd think someone like that would learn their lesson.
I'm here to say that I need to correct my way of thinking. I take little to no pleasure in things that I once loved. THAT IS NOT OK. I need to correct my way of thinking... my scheme to reach perfection. I won't get anywhere if the only way to become a better person is by shoving myself through the rock-bottom of an endless pit.
Lies, lies! but, they aren't all lies!? No? How do we define a lie? Since when is intentionally making someone feel terrible, intentionally deceiving and intentionally slamming their head through concret not a terrible thing to do? If you're doing that to a friend or enemy: STOP... that's dumb. If you're doing these things to yourself: STOP, this is not dumb... this is serious. When you become your own bully... don't be surprised when you no longer can fight 'you' off.
Think about it... It's just so easy to lie!
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Hello, my Precious! I read your "lie" blog.I understand that mentality...I do the same thing. Maybe you already know that. I know something though... not all of what you think is "you" is you. Does that make sense? I know that I have been really self-critical for a long time (severely sometimes)...because I thought that I was somehow defeating myself. I was, in a way, because I was allowing lies to soak in. But, a lot of it was due to the depression and my body's unbalanced state. I didn't know it was that until I took ahold of someone's hand and jumped. Anyway, I love you!!! Thanks for letting me into your world. I miss you, and think of you often.
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