What I don't have?

My life is complicated. I find myself frustrated from the irony. I try so hard to live carefree and open... but I am constantly finding myself empty and lost. I want to be there for people, be hopeful, be generous, be supportive. I am just starved. How can I find a recharge? I just don't feel anything anymore. I feel nothing except pain. Just pain, no biggie. I feel pain and it doesn't even hurt anymore. How could it? It's my existence. What I don't have is the only thing I've been trying to have- simplicity and openness. What can I do to change? I hate this. I feel nothingness. I wish I would be content... I wish I had a reason to be content! I wish I knew what to do.