To cry

I am really bad at expressing myself. I have been my whole life. As a child it was always joy, or anger. High or low. No middle ground. As I got older I found it even harder to really pin point my feelings. When bad things happen I couldn't accept the good with the bad; i would either miss my chance to grieve, or I'd reach a depression and be stuck. Now? I just am.
I've never told anyone this before, but I consider myself dangerous. As a child I chose to be rough around the edges so when my highs and lows come, I wouldn't scare anyone. Now no one knows what condition I'm in, not even me.
When I was a kid I would keep track of how often I cried. It wasn't often. When Dad would scold Mickenzie or Micah, they'd ball. When he scolded me, I fought back. No tears. When puberty hit, that changed a bit. Naturally, the hormones inside me have a big say in my emotions. Even though I may feel like crying more often, I still never cry. I literally can not push out more than 2 or 3 tears.
I know there is nothing wrong with me, I am not flawed because I struggle with depression, I am a beautiful child of God and he made me perfectly. But I hurt, I hurt most of the time. This is nothing new, I have been this way since I was little.
While there are things in life that hurt, things that deserve depression and seclusion and sorrow... I wish that weren't a dominant emotion. I wish I weren't so depressed that I'm beyond tears. I wish I didn't feel fake when I have a good day. I wish I weren't scared to ask for help.