A Week of Forgiveness

I am so ok.

I have had a life changing, life altering week. I'm just not sure what kind of progress I will make from here on out. I am healing. Some aspects are alright now. Some parts are not going to heal for a long time- but they will heal, I know that much.

I asked God the question, "Why am I so impatient?" And his immediate response was to confuse me. I am interested in a guy. He has appeared to be interested as well, however things seems less sure today. I'm not sure how to hold up my end of the pursuit without being obnoxious. I need to be pursued. I know that if he is interested he will pursue. But I also know that if I am interested, I need to be available. Emotional baggage and social awkwardness make it hard for me to do this. I am ok being around him when we're alone. But when friends are around, when other girls are around, when his ex is around... I get distant.

I am insecure in that area. I am used to be trampled over in public. I am used to liking a guy and just throwing my hands in the air when it becomes complicated. But can you blame me? I have never won the standoff. I don't want to just be some awesome guy's best friend for the rest of my life. I want to be the awesome guy's wife. AH! I'm so impatient... but then again, maybe I'm being tested to be more active. Maybe this is part of my healing? Maybe I need to pursue? Maybe I need to speak up? Maybe I am already doing my best? I have no idea. Time will tell if I'm being too vague or perfectly clear.